"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."
Almost Thursday...
Mr. Wonderful is due in town soon. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's coming into town tomorrow night... Should be interesting. I'm over it - just tagging along for the ride. (Not literally)
Bill* is also due back tomorrow. I have to think of a better name for him. From today forward he will be known as Mr. Boca. Excellent name since he is of the "upper class" LoL
I spoke to Bob* - finally. Not sure what to make of him, as I got the "I've been busy/sick/etc" speech. He hasn't been online, but lord knows he hasn't been calling me either. Again, just going to ride along. For the record, I will begin calling Bob* The European...
People often ask me why I am so bitter towards the male species. I've been told I am much too cynical and that I transmit this pessimism.
Now - since my ex, I have encountered two men that I felt a strong attraction to (in all aspects of the word, personality physically etc) I've opened up (not literally) to each of them... I've done the typical "early stage relationship" shit... The hanging out, the talking, dating, etc. Both of them ended up being complete assholes. What makes this different than anyone else I've dated? Good point... But at least my exes made an attempt to want to spend time with me.
A few years ago, I had a discussion with a friend who explained that whenever he went on a date he never felt the "connection" like he did when we spoke. I didn't give it much thought and told him it was probably just the wrong people. As I remember our conversations, I'm beginning to agree... Why can't you just go out with someone and "click?" Why is there always that awkward silence, unusually uncomfortableness as you get to know each other more?
I begin wondering how I started truly dating someone. unfortunately, with my last boyfriend scenario over two years ago and my usual memory lapse - I can't remember. I think about my friends - all very different personalities and wonder how we got so comfortable with one another. How do you click?
As I sit here, I think perhaps I too have just had the unfortunate experience to have met the wrong people. People that I am not compatible with. My only argument is that if we weren't compatible we would've never scheduled a second, third, etc. date.
I'm thinking I am not going to post anymore. I have a select few blogs that I read on a consistent basis and no one is updating them... I am not going to be the only one anymore. At least before you guys would give me something to read, ponder, etc...
OceanSpray came out with a new Cranberry Ice Tea. I really want to try it...
I think I need to move out. I can't believe in 6 short months (it was just Feb!) I will be 24. When I returned from NJ, I honestly planned on living at home until I decided to move out with someone - roommate, boyfriend, friend, etc. I honestly thought that within 2 years I would do just that... Now, it's not quite looking that great. Although I have been offered to move out by several people - I don't want to end up with another failed move. I also don't want to pay rent. But, I don't have anything saved to actually purchase a home. This is so depressing.
I can't believe it's already been two years I am back. A year I am divorced. Wow ~
I wish I could see into the future. I remember reading that when you are depressed, you're entire outlook for your future is bleak. When happy, you see nothing but grandeur ahead. I understood the logic, but I didn't see how one moment things could look so promising and the next hour so not. I'm beginning to get it now.
Maybe I'm too picky... I know, I'm babbling... It seems that I can't find a man that I really connect with. Even the two mentioned above... Sometimes I think my bigger infatuation with them is due to their lack of interest. Let me introduce myself, I am the masochist Internet ho.
Mr. T is in route to FL. Although that situation has changed drastically over the past 6 months, it will be interesting with him living in the Sunshine state.
The Italian called again... I need to call him back.
I have about 10 e-mails in my inbox from people I have been corresponding with. I have reached a level with all of them that I need to make the next step and call. It's been over three days and I still haven't. I'm over it... I'm tired of going on countless dates and enduring two hours of chit-chat with a person I knew within the first 10 minutes I wouldn't connect with.
A friend asked why I sit there if I've already made that decision. Although I'm not 100% certain, I guess it's because (a) I don't have the heart to say, "I'm sorry I really don't see this going anywhere" and (b) I think it's better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's nerves, awkwardness, etc. (c) I'm an idiot.
I napped today after work. I'm feeling down tonight. I have ample opportunities to go out, but I'm just kinda blah...
I know of a story about someone who is having an affair... Which once again adds to my issue with relationships.
As much as I miss the companionship, etc. I wonder if I'm looking to get into a relationship in hopes that I will find happiness. After all, I have never been one who wants to go through life alone...
And as wonderful as friendships may be, they always end up married, engaged, etc. Leaving you only with the occassional weekend or weekday telephone call.
I think I have come to this conclusion:
Life sucks
Men suck - typically not well
and I suck for thinking everything sucks.
Buena Noche ~
Almost Thursday...
Mr. Wonderful is due in town soon. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's coming into town tomorrow night... Should be interesting. I'm over it - just tagging along for the ride. (Not literally)
Bill* is also due back tomorrow. I have to think of a better name for him. From today forward he will be known as Mr. Boca. Excellent name since he is of the "upper class" LoL
I spoke to Bob* - finally. Not sure what to make of him, as I got the "I've been busy/sick/etc" speech. He hasn't been online, but lord knows he hasn't been calling me either. Again, just going to ride along. For the record, I will begin calling Bob* The European...
People often ask me why I am so bitter towards the male species. I've been told I am much too cynical and that I transmit this pessimism.
Now - since my ex, I have encountered two men that I felt a strong attraction to (in all aspects of the word, personality physically etc) I've opened up (not literally) to each of them... I've done the typical "early stage relationship" shit... The hanging out, the talking, dating, etc. Both of them ended up being complete assholes. What makes this different than anyone else I've dated? Good point... But at least my exes made an attempt to want to spend time with me.
A few years ago, I had a discussion with a friend who explained that whenever he went on a date he never felt the "connection" like he did when we spoke. I didn't give it much thought and told him it was probably just the wrong people. As I remember our conversations, I'm beginning to agree... Why can't you just go out with someone and "click?" Why is there always that awkward silence, unusually uncomfortableness as you get to know each other more?
I begin wondering how I started truly dating someone. unfortunately, with my last boyfriend scenario over two years ago and my usual memory lapse - I can't remember. I think about my friends - all very different personalities and wonder how we got so comfortable with one another. How do you click?
As I sit here, I think perhaps I too have just had the unfortunate experience to have met the wrong people. People that I am not compatible with. My only argument is that if we weren't compatible we would've never scheduled a second, third, etc. date.
I'm thinking I am not going to post anymore. I have a select few blogs that I read on a consistent basis and no one is updating them... I am not going to be the only one anymore. At least before you guys would give me something to read, ponder, etc...
OceanSpray came out with a new Cranberry Ice Tea. I really want to try it...
I think I need to move out. I can't believe in 6 short months (it was just Feb!) I will be 24. When I returned from NJ, I honestly planned on living at home until I decided to move out with someone - roommate, boyfriend, friend, etc. I honestly thought that within 2 years I would do just that... Now, it's not quite looking that great. Although I have been offered to move out by several people - I don't want to end up with another failed move. I also don't want to pay rent. But, I don't have anything saved to actually purchase a home. This is so depressing.
I can't believe it's already been two years I am back. A year I am divorced. Wow ~
I wish I could see into the future. I remember reading that when you are depressed, you're entire outlook for your future is bleak. When happy, you see nothing but grandeur ahead. I understood the logic, but I didn't see how one moment things could look so promising and the next hour so not. I'm beginning to get it now.
Maybe I'm too picky... I know, I'm babbling... It seems that I can't find a man that I really connect with. Even the two mentioned above... Sometimes I think my bigger infatuation with them is due to their lack of interest. Let me introduce myself, I am the masochist Internet ho.
Mr. T is in route to FL. Although that situation has changed drastically over the past 6 months, it will be interesting with him living in the Sunshine state.
The Italian called again... I need to call him back.
I have about 10 e-mails in my inbox from people I have been corresponding with. I have reached a level with all of them that I need to make the next step and call. It's been over three days and I still haven't. I'm over it... I'm tired of going on countless dates and enduring two hours of chit-chat with a person I knew within the first 10 minutes I wouldn't connect with.
A friend asked why I sit there if I've already made that decision. Although I'm not 100% certain, I guess it's because (a) I don't have the heart to say, "I'm sorry I really don't see this going anywhere" and (b) I think it's better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's nerves, awkwardness, etc. (c) I'm an idiot.
I napped today after work. I'm feeling down tonight. I have ample opportunities to go out, but I'm just kinda blah...
I know of a story about someone who is having an affair... Which once again adds to my issue with relationships.
As much as I miss the companionship, etc. I wonder if I'm looking to get into a relationship in hopes that I will find happiness. After all, I have never been one who wants to go through life alone...
And as wonderful as friendships may be, they always end up married, engaged, etc. Leaving you only with the occassional weekend or weekday telephone call.
I think I have come to this conclusion:
Life sucks
Men suck - typically not well
and I suck for thinking everything sucks.
Buena Noche ~
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